Apology

"Begging for help when you turn it down."

Hey F?

I'm sorry I wasn't there. I haven't been in a good place myself.

Salut,

~J

Wishes on a broken lamp

"The walls are closing in."

I wish I had people I could talk to. Everything is eating me from the inside out.

I'm this ball of angst, this ball of anger and frustration. I just want to lash out at everyone, at every fucking thing.

There's no one around. They either find it uncomfortable to be around me, they just don't talk to me or... well, they don't care. It always goes back to that, doesn't it?

"Look man, if you need to talk, I'm here for you."

Like fuck you are. That's what everyone says, and not one of you care enough to talk to me.

I'm trying to be understanding. "Oh, we talk to you, but we don't want to force you to talk to us. We'll wait until you're ready." Don't you guys think that I would need to ease myself into it? No. You don't. All I get is a message or two, maybe a short conversation. Never anything more.

I stay up all night because my dreams are plagued with nightmares. I wake up to blood on my pillow. I feel sick and I barely eat most of the day. I go through the motions, pretending I'm alright, talking a lot because then maybe people wouldn't think anything was wrong. After all, I seem so damn happy all the time, don't I?

Everything keeps going wrong.

I wish there was someone who cared.

I wish there was someone I could open up and talk to.

Salut,

~J