Why why WHY!?

"Change is what makes the world unique. Whoever does something over and over again and enjoys it, then he is less than pathetic."

Adrian Monk once said something along the lines of, "Change is good, as long as I'm not there when it happens." I couldn't agree more.

The teacher is going to be changing our class seating arrangements, because a few people went and failed. Gah, these people are giving a bad name for all guys everywhere. Then again, guys everywhere are doing that too... Meh.

Open Day was today, and it was interesting. Reason is simple. Once again, my class teacher gave my Mum the same script. The old, "Your son has a lot of potential. He would do so much better if he tried more and put more work into it." Yadda yadda yadda.

It's not that I have anything against her personally, but it's just that every teacher that's been with me say the same thing to my parents, regardless of how I act slash behave. It's like they have a script made just for me, which they pass around for the reason to tell my parents. Paranoid, much? Haha, that sounded so girly, don't you agree? Don't worry, I'm not a faggot slash homosexual person.

Speaking of this subject, just wanted to let you all that are interested know that the girl I had a rebound for is no longer a rebound. No, this doesn't mean that I like her more. It simply means that I'm (once again) a free agent. A person who has no ties to anyone emotionally at all. Just like so many of you.

That wasn't an insult, could you please drop the gun!? Thank you.

To those of you interested, I'm single and totally available now. From reading my blog, you should know how my mind works. *Wink wink* Haha, okay, I think that's enough for now.

I'm feeling sleepy. Night~!

Till next time,

~Josh the Joshster~

P.S. Whether I was joking or not on that offer, well, that's entirely up for you to decide. Haha!

Testing.

No more imitation - At least, not from you.

"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but not so when the imitation is an insult."

Aaaah! Dang it! I am so seriously angry right now. Funny how the only two emotions I truly feel are happiness and anger. Especially anger. Which I'm feeling right now. Can you please remind me to control my urges, at least for now?

I'm totally losing it.

The urge is taking over me bit by bit. Man, I really gotta learn how Dexter can plan every detail properly and precisely. Maybe then I can actually live with this... This thing inside of me.

Anyways, let's get back to topic. A few girls in my class had this English presentation, and what was it they did? They did a role play that included them playing as four guys, and - guess what? - they totally degraded, humiliated and insulted us. They didn't even ask us for permission, let alone do it even a bit right.

Razin is a good artist, and wanna what they made "him" do? They made him show off his art. He never shows off his art, ever. Heck, most of the time we have to make him show us his latest drawing. Unless we asked him to draw something for us. That's a whole different story. I'm going to be honest here. When it comes to his drawings, Razin is a wee bit too humble than he should be. That's a good thing, I guess.

Faiz had muscles and works out. He doesn't need to show off, although he does show off at times, but usually when it's one of those "macho" acts. You know how it is, right, guys? Most of you guys think it's macho sometimes to show off your biceps (I don't understand it, though). They ended up making "him" do show off stuff out of the blue. Apparently they think that all boys like showing off whatever asset that they might have (like Razin's drawings and Faiz's... Erm... Brawn?)

Aizat was hit the worst. He is known as a loner to most of the classmates and he's usually seen with his eyes like slits. Like, Brock, from Pokemon, if you've ever watched it. But he never says the word stupid, he only has his eyes like that when he's bored or being teased, and he only disses the teacher if he was unfairly scolded. Like, when he finishes his work, did it the best he could, and then the teacher scold him for not doing it nicely. Stuff like that. Well, let's just say, they went and made "him" do everything opposite of that. "He" was having his eyes in every scenario, "he" was dissing the teacher when "he" was scolded correctly (this meaning that he really didn't do something, and was thus scolded) and "he" was using the words "stupid" a lot. So out of character.

I don't think mine was so bad, but I was insulted on personal things. Like, I use "Joshster" a lot because it's a connection of "Josh Carter", and "Joshster" sounded nicer than "Joshter". (Oh, I forgot to mention; they were putting these names around their necks, like a necklace. It was "us" with minor changes: Razin became Razif. Bros became Berush (that's Faiz's nickname - don't ask). Makoto became Sakoto (Aizat's Japanese name) and mine was just Joshster.)

Another one, when I say something, I only repeat it because I don't think people are listening. "I" was repeating it like "I" was some broken parrot that forgot to stop repeating a phrase! Then they did the biggest insult of all my non-mental illness rituals. They made "me" do the "camera motion" with "my" hands! (You know, the one where the right hand is going in a circular motion while the left hand is vertical, like holding a box) I only do that to remember specific memories! Whenever I do that, it's like a video saved into my memories. I never forget them. I just have to recall doing that, and I can remember. So it was the ultimate insult to me.

They didn't apologize to Aizat, their apology to me was totally insincere, but at least Faiz and Razon got good and proper apologies. Lucky guys. I think I'm done ranting, and now I'm going to just ramble on.

School was interesting today, for only one reason. My stomach wouldn't let me forget that I was supposed to be in pain. It got annoying after a while, especially when I lost my ability to stand a couple of times. Not to mention it started hurting while I was sitting down in class. I can't even sneeze, cough or yawn without pain. The coolest part was that no one noticed that I was in pain. Other than Amalina. She even criticized me for coming to school - I'm not really healthy enough to come to school but I insisted to my parents to let me come. Yeah, yeah, for now, I'm a nerd. I'm just going to study, then I'll watch TV, play games and be irresponsible nonstop!

Alright, I guess that's all I want to rant about. One last thing though. To Anis, Zulaikha, Maisarah and Sofea, what you did today was rude, belittling and mean. My nature is naturally forgiving, but I'm not going to be able to trust you girls. Ever.

Till next time,

~Josh the Joshster~

Was AWL. That's Absence With Leave.

"Cancer. That's the only word that can instill fear in the hearts of many."

No, I don't have cancer, though I wish I did. Nothing to do with me being sick of life (as my cousin thought), but that I had already kinda accepted that I might have cancer. It was a huge blow when it was only my appendix. It was giving me some unasked for trouble, the useless bum.

Yes, I was at the hospital. I recently (as in, last Saturday, and now it's Saturday) had a surgery. Oh, nothing major, just my appendix being taken out, as stated above. You know, the appendix is the most useless of all the "organs" (if it could be called an organ) in the human body. It does absolutely nothing, but if it gets swollen from an infection, a sickness, etc., it can kill you. And not quickly, either. It'll slowly and painfully take you out from the inside, like a natural poison, giving you a stabbing pain that just won't stop!

Plus, at the end of the surgery, it hurt like mad! Seriously, I never knew such pain. It hurt when I was still, it hurt while I was moving, it hurt all the freaking time! The painkillers didn't work either. When I asked for more of 'em, the nurse actually said that I was on too much, and that I might overdose. I wasn't sure whether to be scared, freaked out or in shock. So I just gave an incredulous look.

After one week, I can honestly say, it still freaking hurts! The painkillers I'm on barely numb the pain, and I really ought to find painkillers that actually work. The pain makes walking almost unbearable. I kinda have to slouch when I walk, and it hurts my back (I know you how old people feel now, and let me tell you: I totally respect you now!). My sister actually went and called me "Old Man". *Sigh*

It actually hurts while I'm typing this, and I have no idea how much longer I can stay like this before screaming in pain. Oh, my right arm hurts as well, since that was where the needle with the IV drip was put. Yep, it's going to be really interesting in school, trying to write again.

Wanna what makes all of this bearable and cool? My stitches! I got three holes, one on my right side, one on my left side and one directly above my bellybutton. The put a camera through my left side and used the right and middle areas to take the dumb useless thing out.

Another thing that I like about all this is that I actually like pain, believe it or not. I don't know why. So all this "screaming out in pain" stuff is really cool. I like holding pain in, seeing my limits, testing them again and again. Of course, I dramatize things to get what I want in this household. Shhh! Don't tell the family!

It's going to be really boring in school next week (yes, I got a whole week without school. Probably the most boring week of my life, to be honest). I won't be allowed to walk or run, or stand or do anything interesting or cool. I'm only allowed to sit down and stay put in my class seat until school is over. In fact, I'm not even supposed to be walking around the house. Which I'm doing a lot.

Speaking of school, I recently found out that there's this new girl named - you'll never believe it - (Eliza) Sofea. Just perfect, don't you agree? Apparently she even speaks and acts like the first Sofea. Speaking (or typing) of Sofea, I have to mention this. She's most probably a rebound but I'm interested in another girl, a Form 1 (13 year old). Yeah, either she's a rebound, or I actually like her. Probably the former, but hey, stranger things have happened.

I'm not going to go too detailed in here, since I don't know her that well, other than her name Emalai (obviously anagrammed), and that she's a 13 year old. 2 years younger than me. Yea, I can really see that one working out. If this is the real deal, I think I know why. She's the only girl - no, only person - that doesn't get repelled by the real me. That, and that she actually tries to communicate with me, unlike other people.

Oh, remind me to never be charged into the Selangor Medical Centre at Section 20 in Shah Alam ever again. The only shows that I liked while I was there were Nickelodeon and Discovery Channel. I think I have memorized every channel there is on Nickelodeon, especially the hated Yo Gabba Gabba commercial. The advertisements are stuck in my head! Make it stop, make it stop!!!!

Actually, I'm really supposed to be resting. It's 2:16 AM on Saturday, and I'm in front of the computer with the scars that will look like bullet wounds instead of surgical scars. Cool, eh? Well, I gues I really have to go to sleep. Plus, I'm sleepy. Night night~

Till next time,

~Josh the Joshster~

P.S. I was going to change my ending to, "For now and forever more", but I changed my mind. Night~!