A rut in my life

"Keep on fighting. Never give up. But if you have to give up, do it with style."

I'm in the biggest rut of my life as of yet. Everything seems to be going bad for me lately. I'm still being my optimistic self, as always, but it's hard to smile when your entire world is breaking apart. Too many things (well, maybe not too many things, but it's still a lot to me) are going wrong.

My Mum and Dad are being unfair - something they rarely are - to me, and it's being more and more frequent. I like two girls (one for her stunningly sweet smile and one for her gorgeous eyes) yet I can't choose between them; Even if I could choose, it'd still be a bad thing: One is taken (the one with the gorgeous eyes) while the other is so completely different from me, I'm giving up before I've even started. One of my four best friends is moving to another country. I got a mere 86% (a first) for my Math. My drum tempo (timing) isn't exactly right. My pet sister hates me. And lastly, my other pet sister is ignoring me.

That's about it.

This is one of those rare "half-empty" posts in my blog. It's just that, I can't help it. To you, my problems may seem trivial, but to me, it's an incredibly big deal. It's too much stress for someone who normally can deflect stress. I... Just can't deflect it this time, for some reason.

Oh, there's also one more I forgot. When I saw her (the girl with the smile) I had a few chances to talk to her, but I blew it. Again! I've seriously thought of getting myself shot.

Honest.

I'd never consider, much less do, suicide, but I can understand how people could think that there's no way out. It seriously feels like I'm living in my own personal Hell at the moment. Oh, just perfect. My PC is giving me trouble right now.

I'm in such a deep rut right now, even the things that make me smile and laugh don't work as well as they normally do. At least there's still Ben and Luqman. They are the only people I know that can make me laugh uncontrollably for hours on end.

Oh, wow! Something great just happened! My pet sis doesn't hate me anymore! Oh, yeah! I guess this is what happens when you're optimistic even when you're in the deepest rut of your life: Things start looking up. Oops, I've gotta go now. I'll make another post ASAP!

Till next time...

~Josh the Joshster~