Nothing good happens at two in the morning.

"Tick tock goes the clock."

It's just... it's hard to believe that she hasn't moved on, when I see her slowly slipping away from me. When that's all I've been seeing for the past few months. When nothing I do gets a reaction that isn't immediately (or almost immediately) followed by a mention of him. When even when I'm lying next to her as she sleeps, the moment she wakes up, the first thing she seems to even want to look at is his face. When I'm a footnote in her world, and all she wanted was an excuse for me to go.

Of course, I could be wrong. But it's just how it looks like to me. I'm not putting any blame. I'm not angry, nor bitter, or anything like that. I was a few months ago, a few weeks ago, a few days ago. I've accepted it.

I'm not expecting anything. Not really.

I'm scrapping the projects. No good will come out of them, it was stupid of me to think of it in the first place.

(I know you need this. I hope you find happiness, even though I know it won't be with me. No, don't argue. Please. Let's be honest. All I do is cause you pain and misery and depression, with little pockets of happiness; you really would be better off away from me.

I'm sorry I'm still doing that to you.)

It's 3:40 AM. I just packed and did my laundry. I don't know why I can't sleep. I'm going to try again, and we'll see what happens.

Salut,
~J