"Offing yourself is relatively easy. It's living with the consequences that's hard."
Hey.
Yeah, I'm still alive. No need to call Suicide Hotline! I'm fine. Really. Yes, I'm serious this time.
I guess I was just going through another rough patch. Depression is hard. How the heck do other depressed people stop from killing themselves?! Wait... I'm one of them. Heh, guess I kinda know the answer, since I'm still alive.
For the love of God, put down that phone! I don't need you to call my parents, okay? You'll just make things worse. It's not as if they actually care about my mental and emotional health. After all, they're the ones that laughed when I wanted to go to a therapist for my 3 lettered word disorder. I wonder how other parents would react? Would they actually bring their child to a therapist, or are they all the same?
Meh, it's not for me to know. I'm just a guy, not someone important.
Anyways, I've often been asked why I have a blog. Why? Because I have a lot to say and no one who listens. I'm not much of a writer. I tried keeping diaries, but they all kept failing. At least this way, I have someone to rant, vent, unleash or even cry to. I've been doing that a lot lately. Cry, I mean. Kinda hard not to, when you feel like no one cares. I'm not being emo. Just stating a fact. Unless you're depressed, you won't understand.
You know, I almost cried at school last week. Sure, go on. Laugh, call me a baby. A wimp. At least I'm man enough to show my emotions, unlike you so called "men". Before you ask, I almost cried because of my disorder. I suddenly had the compulsion to arrange everything properly, which kinda stopped me from having a normal conversation with my friend Razleen. That wasn't what made me almost cry though. No offense, Razleen, but I don't think I'll cry if I don't get to talk to you.
What almost did it was the fact that three of my classmates - people I thought friends - were tormenting me, moving the tables, chairs, bags on the tables and etc. It was making me insane! I wasn't sure whether to cry or to explode. I did a little of both, though not too loudly. I forgive them now, but if they do it again, I don't think I can. Unless you have what I have, you'd never understand. It's like a meat eater talking to a vegetarian about meat. The vegetarian would never understand, because he doesn't eat meat. Meh, something like that, anyways.
You know, I just realized this. If it wasn't for this blog I wouldn't be here. My emotions would be all bottled up, I'd have no one to talk to and *poof*, bye bye Sharrif, the guy that jumped off a building. Yeah, if I was gonna kill myself, I'd do that. Much quicker than cutting. Plus, it's more likely to succeed. Haha, I'm telling you guys how I'd off myself. That is so lame! *Starts giggling a bit*
Yep, this blog is my lifeline. *Pats computer adoringly* I don't know what I'd do without it. I think it's even the reason I'm still alive right now. Mark, Tom and Farah have completely deserted me. I haven't seen them in a bit over a week now, and only now have I realized how much I need them. What's funny is that more people are treating me nicer ever since I wrote that post. Kinda odd, don't cha think? They can't care, because I learned a few life lessons the hard way. These include:
i Nice guys finish last.
ii You can't trust anyone but yourself.
iii People say one thing but mean another.
iv Talk is cheap, but even actions lie.
Of course, there's more, but that's allright for now.
Wanna hear some cool stuff? Yes? No? Either way, since you got this far, you won't mind reading more. I can solve a Rubik's Cube! Woo hoo! Call me a dork, call me a geek, nerd, call me whatever you want, but I don't care! I can solve it and you can't! Haha, it feels so awesome actually being able to do it. Your words won't hurt me, because it's mind over matter. I don't mind 'cause you don't matter.
God! My parents are driving me up the wall! They say that they love me, but all they do is nag! Sure, a little nagging is fine. Annoying, but fine. Nagging a lot about important things is okay as well. But about trivial things? Man, that just makes me angry. They even nag when I did something they told me to. Like, my Mum told me to practice the piano, so I did. After I was done, she scolded me for practicing the piano, because there were guests. What the heck!? She told me to practice then, so I did! Don't get me started on my Dad!
If he calls me, and I answer very politely, "Yes, Dad?", he'll go ballistic and call me rude and impolite! I'd understand if I was doing that, but my sisters saw what happened and they even said to him, "What did he do? He wasn't being rude." Needless to say, they got into trouble as well.
Then, when they don't get their way even when they take away everything (I can really survive without entertainment if I want/have to), they start playing the bribery game. They'll go, "If you be good, you can watch TV again.", or, "If you don't be rude, I'll let you touch the computer."
Of course, I don't participate. Bribery is bad, people! They always give in. I'm too stubborn. Yeah, it's a bad thing, but I copied both my parents in this trait.
But I hate that I'm being like my Dad. From his lateness to his bad temper. Whenever I say something, I end up pausing. The reason is 'cause I realize that I'm sounding more and more like my Dad. It's shocking, but there's nothing I can do about it, is there?
Oops, I'm just asking for trouble now! It's 2:07 AM, and I think I'd better sleep! Night, y'all!
Till next time,
~Josh the Joshster~
P.S. I don't care if my parents read this. At least they'll get an awakening.
Hey.
Yeah, I'm still alive. No need to call Suicide Hotline! I'm fine. Really. Yes, I'm serious this time.
I guess I was just going through another rough patch. Depression is hard. How the heck do other depressed people stop from killing themselves?! Wait... I'm one of them. Heh, guess I kinda know the answer, since I'm still alive.
For the love of God, put down that phone! I don't need you to call my parents, okay? You'll just make things worse. It's not as if they actually care about my mental and emotional health. After all, they're the ones that laughed when I wanted to go to a therapist for my 3 lettered word disorder. I wonder how other parents would react? Would they actually bring their child to a therapist, or are they all the same?
Meh, it's not for me to know. I'm just a guy, not someone important.
Anyways, I've often been asked why I have a blog. Why? Because I have a lot to say and no one who listens. I'm not much of a writer. I tried keeping diaries, but they all kept failing. At least this way, I have someone to rant, vent, unleash or even cry to. I've been doing that a lot lately. Cry, I mean. Kinda hard not to, when you feel like no one cares. I'm not being emo. Just stating a fact. Unless you're depressed, you won't understand.
You know, I almost cried at school last week. Sure, go on. Laugh, call me a baby. A wimp. At least I'm man enough to show my emotions, unlike you so called "men". Before you ask, I almost cried because of my disorder. I suddenly had the compulsion to arrange everything properly, which kinda stopped me from having a normal conversation with my friend Razleen. That wasn't what made me almost cry though. No offense, Razleen, but I don't think I'll cry if I don't get to talk to you.
What almost did it was the fact that three of my classmates - people I thought friends - were tormenting me, moving the tables, chairs, bags on the tables and etc. It was making me insane! I wasn't sure whether to cry or to explode. I did a little of both, though not too loudly. I forgive them now, but if they do it again, I don't think I can. Unless you have what I have, you'd never understand. It's like a meat eater talking to a vegetarian about meat. The vegetarian would never understand, because he doesn't eat meat. Meh, something like that, anyways.
You know, I just realized this. If it wasn't for this blog I wouldn't be here. My emotions would be all bottled up, I'd have no one to talk to and *poof*, bye bye Sharrif, the guy that jumped off a building. Yeah, if I was gonna kill myself, I'd do that. Much quicker than cutting. Plus, it's more likely to succeed. Haha, I'm telling you guys how I'd off myself. That is so lame! *Starts giggling a bit*
Yep, this blog is my lifeline. *Pats computer adoringly* I don't know what I'd do without it. I think it's even the reason I'm still alive right now. Mark, Tom and Farah have completely deserted me. I haven't seen them in a bit over a week now, and only now have I realized how much I need them. What's funny is that more people are treating me nicer ever since I wrote that post. Kinda odd, don't cha think? They can't care, because I learned a few life lessons the hard way. These include:
i Nice guys finish last.
ii You can't trust anyone but yourself.
iii People say one thing but mean another.
iv Talk is cheap, but even actions lie.
Of course, there's more, but that's all
Wanna hear some cool stuff? Yes? No? Either way, since you got this far, you won't mind reading more. I can solve a Rubik's Cube! Woo hoo! Call me a dork, call me a geek, nerd, call me whatever you want, but I don't care! I can solve it and you can't! Haha, it feels so awesome actually being able to do it. Your words won't hurt me, because it's mind over matter. I don't mind 'cause you don't matter.
God! My parents are driving me up the wall! They say that they love me, but all they do is nag! Sure, a little nagging is fine. Annoying, but fine. Nagging a lot about important things is okay as well. But about trivial things? Man, that just makes me angry. They even nag when I did something they told me to. Like, my Mum told me to practice the piano, so I did. After I was done, she scolded me for practicing the piano, because there were guests. What the heck!? She told me to practice then, so I did! Don't get me started on my Dad!
If he calls me, and I answer very politely, "Yes, Dad?", he'll go ballistic and call me rude and impolite! I'd understand if I was doing that, but my sisters saw what happened and they even said to him, "What did he do? He wasn't being rude." Needless to say, they got into trouble as well.
Then, when they don't get their way even when they take away everything (I can really survive without entertainment if I want/have to), they start playing the bribery game. They'll go, "If you be good, you can watch TV again.", or, "If you don't be rude, I'll let you touch the computer."
Of course, I don't participate. Bribery is bad, people! They always give in. I'm too stubborn. Yeah, it's a bad thing, but I copied both my parents in this trait.
But I hate that I'm being like my Dad. From his lateness to his bad temper. Whenever I say something, I end up pausing. The reason is 'cause I realize that I'm sounding more and more like my Dad. It's shocking, but there's nothing I can do about it, is there?
Oops, I'm just asking for trouble now! It's 2:07 AM, and I think I'd better sleep! Night, y'all!
Till next time,
~Josh the Joshster~
P.S. I don't care if my parents read this. At least they'll get an awakening.
1 comment:
Lucky you!i've been trying to solve the Rubik's Cube since i bought it!To update: that was about a year ago,and i am still only able to solve one stinking side!
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