And round and round it goes.

"Things begin, end, begin and end. It's a cycle that never ever ends."

So right now I'm sick. Sick is a pretty strong word, though. To clarify, I currently have a headache.

It doesn't help that I woke up really late this morning. It was early for me, but I was supposed to meet with people to go out at 6:30 AM. I woke up at 10-ish. Sure, I had a headache, but still. I shouldn't have kept them waiting.

I've been going through the blogs on the right. About half of them are discontinued, basically, but it's still a nice way for me to pass the time, reading up things I used to enjoy reading back when they were regularly updated. Overheard Lines was definitely a favorite. I felt sad once it stopped being updated regularly, but life goes on. I went through their archives and found one that it still my favorite. I still remembered how it went, but reading it again... Well, it was a nice laugh.

For reference: http://overheardlines.blogspot.com/2005/03/man-walking-by-on-street-context.html

You don't have to find it as hilarious as I do, just felt like sharing it. I find it amusing that my humor still is pretty similar to how I was four years ago. Wait, did I say amusing? I mean horrifying. I'm glad my personality isn't as bad as it was then, or else I still wouldn't have any friends. I mean, seriously, my humor is crap.

I've been putting off from doing my placement test for French for the past month. I guess I'm just terrified of being told how bad my French is now. Language is the only skill I feel like I have any kind of power over. My deluded illusion that I could write has shattered. The aspirations I had for the arts (dancing, singing, playing instruments) are lying in the gutter. Even the belief that I was any good at Math has started to fade. I guess I should be glad that I'm still not living with any of these false realities; I'm bad at them, and at least now I know it. So forgive me if I'm still terrified about finding out that my language skills are just as bad.

At the way things in my life has been going this year, that's probably what will happen. I've screwed things up almost beyond repair. I've lost things important to me. I've become disenchanted with the real world. My only solace is in the shows I'm watching (most of which are ending soon). I get my heart ripped out once or twice a day or so. I've become less and less inclined to care about my well-being. I mean, what is there for me? A future with people who dislike, can't stand, or at best, can't trust me? A world where nothing I do really goes right? A scenario of things never really going my way?

Ugh. I haven't reached there yet. Things still might look up. Might. There's still the second half of the year to look forward to.

Sigh.

J'haine ma vie. Et tout en il.

Salut,
~J