Powerless

"What about the little guy? What about us, the people with no power? What hope do we have?"

So today happened.

Not much that I planned happened today. First off, I woke up late, and ended up not hanging out with the Waddles. Of course, I slept late the night before, so I guess that was my fault.

I didn't really have much planned other than that. It was great, being able to watch an episode of Ghost Adventures with her again. I missed that. I also walked around campus tonight, because I wanted to watch Elysium.

I was more interested to watch Elysium this weekend, and yet We're The Millers was the better film. There's probably some kind of lesson to be learned in there somewhere, probably about how raising your expectations screws things up for you, but I'm too tired to really think about it.

Tired.

We're becoming close friends, the both of us. I mean, I'm not particularly thrilled by his insistence to always be around, every day and every night, but I suppose we're bonding. Or it could just be a case of Stockholm Syndrome. I don't even know anymore.

Funnily enough, I ended up getting removed from being friends with someone. I wasn't close to her in the slightest, but it was funny how poorly she handled it. All I did was speak out against someone she was close to, and do it quite politely, I might add, and instead of saying anything, or even asking me to stop, boom: I was removed. Very poorly handled.

Well, sarcastically funny, I suppose. Memory lane is just full of hidden pits.

The walk around downtown was nice, though. I liked the little sweaters around some of the trees. It was pretty cute. I wish I had decent photos to put up here, but the phone I have has a crap camera, so you can barely see them anyway.

Which somehow reminds me, I got a new debit card from the bank. Apparently they're changing from Visa to MasterCard, so now I'm stuck with a new card, and now I have to edit all the sites that use my card automatically, like for my phone bill, and Netflix. That's going to be fun. So fun.

Of course, this guy screws up my girls' plans for a friends birthday. He said he'd do the work, even though she said she wanted to do it herself, and by the end of the night, he tells her he was too tired to do it. I was on the phone with her as she cried, and I couldn't do anything about it.

Just a perfect indicator of my purpose in life.

This hoodie is getting warm indoors, but I don't want to take it off. I dunno, it just... it feels like it's the only thing I have left that connects me to her. Wow, that sounds stupider than it was in my head. Oh well, not going to delete that.

It's a different kind of pain. It's like a slow burn. I'm not even sure how to explain it. It's like there's wire gauze around it and is slowly stripping pieces away. Maybe I'm thinking more of sandpaper. I dunno. Maybe I'm just slowly being roasted and dried out. That could be it, too.

I'm worried all this pushing will push me over the edge. Well, again, I mean. Then again, I've been clinging on, even though my fingers are sore, my arms are tired, and I just want to fall into the void, like how it used to be.

Pushed around, pushed away, I'm always just being pushed pushed pushed.

Maybe I'm just always annoying. Not that that would be a surprise to find out. I've hardly ever been charismatic, or charming, or interesting. Added to the fact that I have been called annoying.

I should try just shutting up for a day, see what happens.

Heh. I just looked at my new card, and the new expiry date kinda looks like my birthday. It got an amused smile; I wonder if it was intentional? Probably not, since it's month/year, but still, it was amusing to look at.

Not a good night tonight. FaceBook is being a dickhead and isn't loading, at all. Well, it does load. It just jams up and doesn't allow me to do anything.

Sigh.

I guess Life's telling me to watch TV, or play video games, or something. Though with my luck, that would just end with my TV blowing a fuse, or the arrival of the YLOD. Not gonna risk it. I'll just read, then. At least a Kindle is cheaper, and I can always buy another book.

I'd sleep, but I'd probably end up tearing my bedsheet or something.

Not a good night, indeed.

Salut,
~J