Saturday 1 August 2009

Honesty is such a lonely word

"Time is just a state of mind."

WARNING: VEEEEEERY LONG POST! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Yeah, I haven't been blogging lately. I don't know why, but each time I have an idea of what to type, as soon as I sit in front of the computer I zone out.

Hm, you know, July has been an interesting month. I've realized that the school's judging system is biased; that the girls that like me fit this stereotype: they are prefects, my juniors and the little sisters of my friends; that I have a chance of being reciprocated; I can actually co-compose and write a song in about 2 days; and that my voice and picture will be on this website: http://www.idristawfiq.com. (Oh, and I have a suit now. It's awesome)

One thing at a time, though.

Remember the marching competition thing? I remember mentioning it in an earlier post. Anyways, I'm in the medic squad. We got third place. That wasn't so bad, we kinda expected getting third. First place was taken by the firemen squad. Again, that was expected. They were clearly the best squad. But the unit that was in second place... Oh, that really pissed us off. It was the police cadets. They were TERRIBLE, but they got second. What?! They should've been second last! Their feet weren't coordinated, they weren't disciplined, their moves were shoddy and the formation they did was uncreative! Then, the group that was supposed to be second - the teenage cadets - weren't even in the list of participants! Last year it was the scouts that got a biased score. I guess they decided to be biased for the police cadets because the scouts weren't in the competition this year (they didn't have a commander)

I'm only just finding out this year that girls are liking me. At first it was weird, then I got used to it. Now I realized that there's a pattern. Most of them are prefects, all of them are younger than me, and most of them are the sisters of my friends. That's just... Creepy. This proves that God has a sense of humour when he decided who would like me. Haha. Currently I'm just playing dumb about them liking me, because I have no idea what to do about it. Anyone has an idea of what I should do?

I haven't mentioned it in this yet, but there's this girl that I like. Unlike other girls that I've mentioned in here, I definitely like her; the rest were girls that I didn't accept having feelings for, or girls that I didn't want to like. Which makes it the grand total (of how many girls I've ever had feelings for) of two.

That's... Just... Sad.

In 16 years of being alive, I've only ever really liked 2 girls?!

Wow.

I'm not sure whether to be glad that I don't often fall for someone, or sad because of how pathetic I am. Haha.

Anyways, lemme get back on track. This girl that I like, well, she's from an all girls' school. Before you ask, I met her at tuition. It wasn't love at first sight, and this feeling definitely didn't grow. It just... Happened.

One moment I was happy-go-lucky and completely at peace with myself. The next moment, I suddenly realized that I had feelings for her. I only realized it during the school hols, to be honest. It was tuition day, and because of the school holidays, there wasn't any class. On that day, I was just thinking, minding my own business, and then suddenly BAM!, I realized that I missed her. Later on that day, I realized that I really liked her. Feelings have a very annoying way of sneaking up on you.

Great news, though, is that my friend told me (last Friday, AKA 31/7/2009) that she liked me. I never told him how I felt, so when he said that, I thought he found out and was just messing with me.

Wait.

Lemme get back to the beginning, so that it'll be easier to understand and explain.

It all started at tuition, when I was in my "annoy-everyone-around-me" mood. My friend, who I'll name Z, was wearing a short-sleeved shirt while I was wearing my awesome suit. (I'll explain later) So, since I was in that mood, I took out my pen, and scribbled a long line on his arm. I kept dodging his attacks on me, until we came to an agreement: That's he'd just write one thing on my hand. He then took my left hand, and wrote a letter on it.

The letter he wrote?

A. (A is the first letter of the girl I like)

Obviously, when I saw that, I felt suspicious as to why he wrote that. When I asked him, he just said, "Adok ah. (I have my reasons)" After more prodding, he decided to give me a hint. Taking out his book, he wrote part of her name on a page. (An example would be, let's say her name was Emily, he wrote "E_i_y". But it was more obvious, since her name wasn't common) When I saw that, my first thought was, "Oh, God, he knows."

That's when I asked him why he wrote that, and again he said again, "Adok ah (I have my reasons)" I acted like I was just curious, but inside, it was like I was having a heart attack. That was how much I was panicking. (The reason I was panicking is that because if THIS guy found out, EVERYONE would know) Then suddenly he said "A suke kau, la. (A likes you, actually)"

When he said that, I grabbed him by the collar and asked, "Kau serious ke ni?! (Are you serious?!)" I bet he was shocked because his eyes went wide and he said, "Ye lah, aku serious. Nape? (Yes, I'm serious. Why?)" "Aku suka die, bodoh! (I like her, you idiot!)"

That's pretty much how the conversation went. The down side, though, is the fact that she didn't tell him herself. He just noticed stuff. One of my friends on the same table, Emillio, looked at me and said, "See?! Told you that you had nothing to lose!" [I had planned to confess on the Thursday before, but I chickened out. Wimpish, I know]

Anyways, according to him, every time I came late or was absent for that tuition, she'd ask him about me, and (again, according to him) it was very different compared to how she asks about other guys. Another time, when I stood up for her points and ideas, (trust me, this was before I realized that I liked her) he said that he saw her blushing. Although, you know, if she does like me, it sorta explains why that one time at this college for English Day, when she saw me she hid. She told me a few days later that she hid, that's how I know. From my logic, (however wrong it may be) a girl would only hide from a guy if she either hates him, or likes him. She wouldn't have told me that she hid from me if she hated me, now would she...? Advice, please?

("English Day" isn't a holiday. It's just the day Oxford and Standford have this essay and public speaking competitions, and schools around Klang Valley are invited to see; it was held at Sunway College, and the both of us were there, even though I didn't know it)

But there's also this problem, where she wouldn't tell me her handphone (cell phone, mobile phone) number to me when I asked her earlier in the year. Again with my logic, but if a girl likes a guy, wouldn't she give him her number when he asks it?

Oh, and this may or may not be relevant, but I have to think I should add this. When I got her friend's handphone number, I texted her and asked for her birthday. (I tend to do that as soon as I get someone's number) Anyways, at school the next week, (I asked on a Saturday so school was on Monday) my classmate told me that A told her that I texted her friend. My classmate told me not to tell A that she told me, but I didn't understand why. In fact, I wasn't even sure why A cared in the first place. Maybe now it makes sense? I dunno, I'm bad at this stuff. This detail might not be relevant either, but what the heck. For a couple of weeks after I texted A's friend, A was... Kinda quiet, so to speak.

To answer your questions, yes, I really did help compose and write down a song. You have no idea how difficult it is to make parts fit, and how hard it is to make bars in a song to fit just like how it's been imagined. I just did the piano parts, though. Emillio did the guitars.

The song was as a soundtrack for a song competition. We're part of the organisers, and the participants have two ways of joining the competition: a) they create everything from scratch themselves; or b) they just add on to our soundtrack. In the space of Friday night and Saturday morning, a few hours of break and finally by Saturday evening, all of it was finished. Emillio did most of the work, though, since he was the main organizer for this competition. Just a note that I don't want to put into detail here, but I don't want to forget: Emillio, you broke that promise on Saturday! You were supposed to taste the cookie! Gaaaaah!

Okay, rant over.

About my voice and picture being on a website, well that's quick to explain. Earlier today I went to a Islamic workshop thing for youths. It was about Ramadhan, and how it affects us and stuff like that. Anyways, my voice will be in it because I, along with 7 other volunteers (Faiz, Adam, Johan, Razzaq, Ilyana, Syafiqah, Sara and Raifana) talked about what makes Ramadhan special is in Malaysia, and how it affects us, the youths. My voice is the second one, haha. My picture will be in it for two reasons: firstly, there was a group picture in which everyone was in, and the second reason is because I was one of the volunteers.

I bet you're just dying to know about this suit of mine. Well, I think suits are cool (HIMYM influence, to be honest) so I convinced my parents to let me have one. We looked all around the stores, and we couldn't find a single suit that... Fit, with lack of a better word. They were all too big, or the design wasn't right, or the feel just wasn't right. Then when we finally gave up, my Mum saw it. It was perfect! It was light, nice cutting, stylish and it looks formal. That means I can wear it literally anywhere I want. Even for sports, since it's considered a "sports coat", although I don't recommend it. (I mean, why would I want to risk it getting dirty? Right? Right?)

It's kinda expensive, about 400 bucks. Speaking of it getting dirty, it did get a bit dirty at Amirah's birthday party. Some food hit the sleeves so I had to go clean it. Amazingly, it was so easy to get rid of the stain. I guess that shows how good the material is.

I think I've bored you enough, so I'm going to end it here. Plus, it's 00:50 AM on Monday. *Sigh*

That's July for you.

Salut,

~Joshy~

P.S. Shane, how'd you get from getting a french kiss early in the month to a break up at the end?!

No comments:

Powered By Blogger

Why "Flawed Perfection"?

I chose "Flawed Perfection" because nice ones such as "Honest Lies" and "Organized Chaos" were already chosen. In fact, Flawed Perfection was already chosen as well, but among all my ideas, this one was my favourite.

I like the reminder that everything is flawed perfectly.

FEEDJIT Live Traffic Feed